"solitude is different from loneliness."

thank you my dear.
talking to you has always been a refreshing experience for me.

*

last night, i made my way to VCH for a concert.
i was surrounded by hordes of youths my age, all dressed up and ready to soak up the atmosphere of the night. they were chatting away merrily with their peers & immersing themselves in one another's company.
i could have been one of them in other occasions.
but last night, i was all by myself.
i didn't care, i didn't mind.
in fact, i think i kinda enjoyed it. (:

overall, it was a night well spent.

being alone sometimes gives me space to think.
it creates room for reflection, for consideration, for inspiration.
it's so easy to lose oneself sometimes when amongst people.
especially for a person like me who is weak at heart & mind, and very easily distracted.
(unlike Elizabet in Persona)

but being alone,
it's like a different world all together.
i can be who i truly am, without having to put on a front i want people to see and agree with.
it's only when i'm alone when tears flow most naturally.
when ideas come tumbling in like nobody's business.
when i can actually feel my surroundings.

to me,
solitude is not merely an absence of human company.
it's something more than that.
it's like another avenue to living life you know.

and somehow it seems to put one's self to test.
you may give up your seat to the elderly when you're with friends, but will you still do that when you're alone?
do you feel small, insecure and lost amidst the crowd you hardly know?

sometimes i thank God i don't have an active hall life. (other than with my beloved roomie, which is enough for me actually)
it gives me the peace i need at times.
boy am i happy no one from hall ever jios me out for supper, outings & birthday celebrations.
i was never a people person anyway.
even more so at night, when all i want is some space & time alone.
in peace and quiet (sometimes disrupted by inconsiderate noisy smoking lesbian toiletmates).

i can't imagine myself like that years back man.
i think i'd die. haha.
this trying experience has definitely opened my eyes to many things i was once oblivious to.
i thank You for this maturation. (:
time to give all honour to my King.


there she goes
2:18 AM