happy birthday to me and many others in this world. i'm finally eighteen. (:

thanks to all who remembered. i'm truly touched.

as what i told poon today, birthdays are actually just like any other ordinary day. even though technically we're a year older, but we don't feel it in just one day. age, or rather the effects of age, can only be felt over time.

thanks poon for making today special! (: thanks for being so patient and sweet despite the extremely hot weather and my persistent headaches. thanks for bringing colour to my monochromatic palette. YOU ROCK MY SOCKS.


listening to rhapsody again. for some reason i always feel this thrill and excitement whenever i listen to fig. 28 and beyond. sajcband we can do it!! (:

for the love of music.


there she goes
11:19 PM



all the best sasmb for tmr! (:
and congrats to spsmb for your gwh! (:

yeah man. must be the RHAPSODY POWER. haha kidding. and soon it'll be OUR turn. so exciting!

i'm not playing for fig 11 anymore. i'm like damn sad la. to think i worked so hard for it since last year. and finally when i'm able to play it, our conductor decides to cut players. i feel such a huge sense of loss and disappointment.

oh well. as what eef said last year, at least i learnt some lessons in the process. yeah in fact i think i learnt quite alot of stuff that made me a better player than before.

goodbye fig. 11. maybe it'll be better this way. (: but of course, i can't deny that it hurts.


there she goes
10:54 PM



today's easter and it's supposed to be a joyous occasion as this is the day of the resurrection of Christ. however, to be honest, i'm feeling rather low at this moment.

maybe i'm just tired of being such a major letdown. tired of being a disappointment to band, my section, my parents, my teachers, my friends, you. and to my Lord. i hate to let everyone down. i feel so undeserving of the Cross, so unworthy of the love that brought an innocent man to die for a sinner like me.

and i feel so ugly. looks and character go hand-in-hand. not only do i look hagged, worn and stressed, my ugly inner-self is also starting to manifest itself.

i know i need to pray
to ease the pain in my way
give me the strength to face all trials each day
in running the race.

Lord i need You. i don't want to lose the race.


there she goes
11:12 PM



woah. so emo! *points down* =( so unhealthy!

met up with some 4/14ers today!! went to mof for lunch with rachel sim, faith, wanyi and nainai! sinyu joined us afterwards. yeah. rachsim is back in singapore again! (: i was quite shocked that she cut her hair. sinyu too! nainai looked different cos she has long hair now. wanyi and faith look the same. anyway it was great meeting with them la. although it was more like a clique gathering than a 4/14 one.

despite certain changes here and there (not forgetting one year plus worth of experience outside ny), basically everyone's still pretty much the same. some things will never change, do they? such as certain flaws. ahem, but nevermind. rachsim managed to code-switch from her aussie slang to "singlish". i heard that before i came it was pretty terrible! hahaha.

met up with shum and charm on monday. ahhhh i missed them loads! haha i bet they must have missed me alot too. went to 6th ave for venezia icecream! YAY i missed that place. i still remember the last time i went there was with the same 4/14 people before our SS o'levels. HAHA. how nostalgic.

anyway i had a sudden craving for the honey-coated chicken at cold storage, so we bought one and went to hc to eat! seriously ah who in their right mind will be found eating chicken in some other school's canteen? i guess only me? haha it was so bizarre and unglam. but heck la. it felt so secondary school for some reason. loved it! (:

and guess what! we're organising an AEP gathering in june! YAYYYY. we're planning to show up in the artroom someday with loads of food. hopefully mr lim and mrs teo can spare us some time from their busy schedule. mr lim was like saying, good good! you people can psycho the sec4s to do their coursework. LOL. can't wait!

poon is botak now! haha so cute. CMI = Cute Monk Institution. errr lame. his hair is like honda's dog (carpet). he was late for school cos he was busy styling his hair. nah kidding. haha. we're so gonna take the pan pacific hotel lift one day!

tmr's 111. (:


there she goes
10:07 PM



the photo's beautiful right? go check out www.deviantart.com. it's really a fantastic website! couldn't help posting it yesterday night while sourcing for photos for my photoessay. you can type words like "hurt" and "thunderstorm" and you can get amazing images.

anyway i pia-ed until quite late last night. with all the schoolwork stress, the fatigue after long band pracs/individuals accumulated since dunnowhen and all these emotional turmoils, i finally couldn't take it anymore and decided to give myself a break from school. i was so overwhelmed with exhaustion i decided to sleep in and go to school at noon. i wouldn't have went to school if there wasn't an art test, submission of photoessay and band prac.

band pracs are so tiring. thank God my coldsores have disappeared for quite a long time already. hopefully they're gone forever. but have you ever experienced this before, after pushing and pushing when your brain starts getting deprived of oxygen and you feel so giddy that you want to faint?

dunno man. i think reed 4s are so headache-inducing. or maybe it's just me. i'm just plain lousy with not enough lung-power. sometimes i just feel like i'm back to those newbie days, hanging my head low with a sense of defeat, void of hope. i know i know i'm already losing half the battle if i'm like that, but i can't help it.

face it, dorothy. you're just different from everybody. sometimes when people say jiayou, i do appreciate it alot. but still, it's hard to find someone who truly understands. and worse still, nowadays hardly anyone gives any encouragement. everyone's so caught up in their own world.

why is the light at the end of the tunnel getting so faint by day? sometimes i feel like the band is like an adult walking steadily on its own, while i'm the crawling infant who has yet to grasp the art of walking. once in a while, i may be able to stand on my own and i'm happy. but many a times, i collapse and land hard. sooner or later, everyone will be walking further and further away from me, while i'll still be struggling to even stand on my feet. and i'll fall back.

ha cool analogy right? but that's exactly what i've been feeling since the start of this journey. do you understand? i bet you don't. but chins up! enough emo-ing. i've gotta be strong and draw strength from the Lord. no one said this journey was gonna be a smooth-sailing one. i'm sure He will bring me through the stormy seas. i just pray that You'll grant me resilence, determination and confidence. and a little bit of faith in myself. rawr!! FIRST AND LAST SYF. I CAN DO IT!!

and thanks poon for being there when no one else was. (:


there she goes
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there she goes
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