i'm pmsing.

i'm depressed. sigh. i don't know why but my heart just feels so heavy. i guess whenever i pms, i'll start thinking about ALOT of things in my life and get depressed over them. even though life is supposedly quite smooth-sailing for now. well, supposedly.

it's like, it seems like, just about ANYTHING can make me cry. my moods are so topsy-turvy. as flying without wings say "a simple line can make you laugh and cry". i just read poon's msg and... i just cried. i have no idea why too. it's nothing sad. i just felt a tug at my emotions for no rhyme or reason.

i thought of alot of things. oh yes i did. especially when i was bathing, when i had all the time in the world to mull things over, to ponder upon stuff which i usually don't when i'm not depressed. and maybe part of the reason of my depression is because i'm affected by the moods and emotions of the people around me, more than these people actually know. so friends out there, if there's any way i get to know about your sadness, please know that I FEEL FOR YOU OKAY. hmmm maybe not, but my mood definitely gets affected and i feel sad as well. and i don't know why. maybe you didn't know, but now you do.

maybe i'm just sad that i can't do anything to help you, to ease the pain that you try not to show to the world, to erase all your worries, your problems, your fears. because it's impossible. because i can't. because it's not up to me to do anything. because i'm pretty much useless when it comes to these as much as i want to be useful and to be of some help.

and then again, here i am worrying so much about other people, and i wonder whether any of them actually give a damn about me? whether these feelings are reciprocated? maybe i'm just feeling lonely, standing by myself in this lonesome battle. maybe that's why i'm depressed. and trust me, there are many more trains of thoughts that i will take forever to let out.

sigh. i'm feel so human.


there she goes
10:58 PM