the photo's beautiful right? go check out www.deviantart.com. it's really a fantastic website! couldn't help posting it yesterday night while sourcing for photos for my photoessay. you can type words like "hurt" and "thunderstorm" and you can get amazing images.

anyway i pia-ed until quite late last night. with all the schoolwork stress, the fatigue after long band pracs/individuals accumulated since dunnowhen and all these emotional turmoils, i finally couldn't take it anymore and decided to give myself a break from school. i was so overwhelmed with exhaustion i decided to sleep in and go to school at noon. i wouldn't have went to school if there wasn't an art test, submission of photoessay and band prac.

band pracs are so tiring. thank God my coldsores have disappeared for quite a long time already. hopefully they're gone forever. but have you ever experienced this before, after pushing and pushing when your brain starts getting deprived of oxygen and you feel so giddy that you want to faint?

dunno man. i think reed 4s are so headache-inducing. or maybe it's just me. i'm just plain lousy with not enough lung-power. sometimes i just feel like i'm back to those newbie days, hanging my head low with a sense of defeat, void of hope. i know i know i'm already losing half the battle if i'm like that, but i can't help it.

face it, dorothy. you're just different from everybody. sometimes when people say jiayou, i do appreciate it alot. but still, it's hard to find someone who truly understands. and worse still, nowadays hardly anyone gives any encouragement. everyone's so caught up in their own world.

why is the light at the end of the tunnel getting so faint by day? sometimes i feel like the band is like an adult walking steadily on its own, while i'm the crawling infant who has yet to grasp the art of walking. once in a while, i may be able to stand on my own and i'm happy. but many a times, i collapse and land hard. sooner or later, everyone will be walking further and further away from me, while i'll still be struggling to even stand on my feet. and i'll fall back.

ha cool analogy right? but that's exactly what i've been feeling since the start of this journey. do you understand? i bet you don't. but chins up! enough emo-ing. i've gotta be strong and draw strength from the Lord. no one said this journey was gonna be a smooth-sailing one. i'm sure He will bring me through the stormy seas. i just pray that You'll grant me resilence, determination and confidence. and a little bit of faith in myself. rawr!! FIRST AND LAST SYF. I CAN DO IT!!

and thanks poon for being there when no one else was. (:


there she goes
12:22 AM