back from the banquet. eugene and i were the only youths for our table la. we're the iraq war generation but we were like surrounded by all the ww1/ww2 generation people. crapped with him throughout and all the lame shit kept coming out. what SQ-me.. SQ 117, oleng joo. his dad super drama la. now i know where he gets his lame genes from. and i just found out that he was from st pat's band 2 years back. i'm so lag. must really thank God he sat with me, or i would have died of absolute boredom.

yeah anyway i was feeling kinda crappy this morning. her words were like knives scraping on my heart and everytime she turned around to say something, my heart bled even more. and yesterday was worse. i felt the world crashing down on me, falling into shambles. and those broken pieces of my life that i'd been trying so hard to put back together all these months had seemed to break apart once more.

even though i felt more joyful during service, but whenever my thoughts wander back into those dark corners once again, some light in me gets extinguished and i'll feel like a mashed potato again. i'm afraid when time comes i'll be drowned in total darkness.

but the only light left shining ever so brightly is You. Lord i just pray that You'll give me the strength, the willpower, the courage and the faith to meet them face on and overcome them. Lord you're my superglue that pieces those shards of my life back together. think of Job, think of Paul.

amen.


there she goes
12:21 AM